anywhere but here

You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere
Anyplace is better
Starting from zero got nothing to lose
Maybe we'll make something
But me myself I got nothing to prove
You got a fast car
And I got a plan to get us out of here
I been working at the convenience store
Managed to save just a little bit of money
We won't have to drive too far Just 'cross the border and into the city
You and I can both get jobs And finally see what it means to be living
You see my old man's got a problem
He live with the bottle that's the way it is
He says his body's too old for working
I say his body's too young to look like his
My mama went off and left him She wanted more from life than he could give
I said somebody's got to take care of him
So I quit school and that's what I did
You got a fast car
But is it fast enough
so we can fly away
We gotta make a decision
We leave tonight or live and die this way
I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had a feeling
I could be someone, be someone, be someone
You got a fast car
And we go cruising to entertain ourselves
You still ain't got a job
And I work in a market as a checkout girl
I know things will get better You'll find work and I'll get promoted
We'll move out of the shelter Buy a big house and live in the suburbs
You got a fast car
And I got a job that pays all our bills
You stay out drinking late at the bar
See more of your friends than you do of your kids
I'd always hoped for better Thought maybe together you and me would find it
I got no plans I ain't going nowhere
So take your fast car and keep on driving
You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so you can fly away
You gotta make a decision
You leave tonight or live and die this way

The beginning of this song appeals to me. A chance to uproot and start all over again.

Not just start over but to up and leave without a moments notice. I've always done the responsible thing. Never just lived for the moment or moved somewhere for the fun of it.

Just to up and leave. Go somewhere unplanned. Wing it in a big city.

Up and leave. Tingles the senses.

Now, I don't want to lose you
but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side.
And I don't want to hate you,I don't want to take you
but I don't want to be the one to cry.
And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.
(Chorus)
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.
Now, I could never change youI don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.
It makes a sound like thunder
it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.
(Chorus)
And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?
And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.
Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough.
Oh, Oh, Oh, No

While working today I heard this song on the radio. I've heard it many times before but I've never listen to the words. Some of the thoughts conveyed made me stop and think about myself.

When ur heart has already been stommped on does it make it that much harder to accept love again? Is all the second guessing and critism due to not trusting myself. Scared of the unknown.

Scared of the out of the blue pain. Am I tainted now forever? Because one guy cheated on me does it mean I'm destined for all others to do the same?

Or am I over thinking?

Then comes the thought where do I belong? Where am I accepted?

Too many questions with too few answers.

im fine...

So tired of theses two words. I'm fine. 99% of ppl who say this aren't.
What's wrong with saying how u truly feel in a loving compassionate way rather than allowing everything to build up on the inside?

Women really aren't that hard to figure out. At least not me. I want appreciation. Real heartfelt thank u's. A few flowers here and there, sweet unproked kisses and loves u, texts saying "thinking of u", etc. Really not that complex

dReAmS

Again I awake with hints of despair and sadness. Its not even something I want. My relationship with him is over, why can't my inner mostness understand this. My dreams hide the truth of how it truly was. The truth of how much I truly despised being there.
I compare a lot when I shouldn't. I want a clean slate. If I had met sam first would I have appreciated him as much as I do? And everything we go through it makes us stronger.
So how does one overcome their own dreams. A place we can't get to?
I've been told dreams are a way ur brain works out things that are unsettled within u. I still feel like a failure having someone to leave u like that. It makes thoughts occur, like what was so awful about me it made someone pack up and leave when I was willing to put up with all the shit and stay.
Its the ultimate insult to have someone excuse u from their lives when they promised to always be there. Now I'm left with the distrusting all others and their promises.
Before I blindly believed ppl. Not sure how I feel. Maybe in my dreams I'm trying to still understand where and why it went so wrong esp since I didn't see it coming. No warning signs no memos.
If I can analyze it in my dreams then I can figure it out and maybe one day it will all make sense.
Then I won't have to worry out of the blue those I trust will turn on me.

Love Simplified

its been awhile. For a lot of things.
My divorce has been finalized for a while now. I'm with sam now. This thought both excites me and terrifies me at the same.
I'm excited for the wonderful relationship God has given me. Sam is a wonderful man who brings out the best in me. I'm not one who is used to being "noticed" or even thought of. He shows his love daily by the small mindful things he does for me.
I'm terrified because I'm scared I'm gonna screw it up. I'm terrified cause I've never been so happy. With my ex I was complacent. This was my life and well I was stuck in Hell.
I have recently begun to think what is true love? Is it bought? is it always romantic? Is it continuous "I loves u"?
I don't think any of those are true love. I believe true love is simple. It also has to grow and needs room. Meaning smootherring the other only makes it flee.
We are all individuals who need their own breathing room. I have been guilty of this. Trust has been a major issue for me. I think it is for anyone who has been cheated on. Trust is so important to allow love to bloom.
True love can be ruined by selfish actions when we don't realize we have them. Selfishness can come in forms of insecurities can continually doubting the other person.
The funny thing about lies is they all eventually come out on their own.
So why am I so scared? I'm scared of getting hurt again. But what if its not about getting hurt again. What if its the best thing yet?
The thing about God is He watches over, taking control,leading. What I've found is nothing like I've ever know.
All I'm trying to see the flaws, the snake in the ground, the hole. But what if their are no holes? What if I'm making this whole thing blow out of proportion? What if its just simple love? No strings no pit falls no out to get me?
I understand bad things in life sometimes happens but so do the good. What if we just take all the good things and try to turn them into bad cause then its what we expected? Why not expect all good things and the bad are just glitches?
Then it comes to allowing myself to be loved. To love myself so I can accept it from another. Where its no longer a far fetched idea. But a realistic one. I can be loved because I am lovable. Then it becomes quite simple.
Love is no longer elusive. Its been right in front of me the whole time. True love isn't even as hard as the movies make it out to be. Its finding someone to love me for me and loving him for him. And once that person is in ur life enjoy it. In the past I've made a circle try to fix in a square and was complacent about it. Now I've found a square that matches and it scared me.
The world has enough issues without me making it more than it is. Need to sit back and enjoy my squares :)